Quirk it..

Quirky is such a great word, sounds a bit silly but so unique.

It is what it is, but not what it seems!

Me to a tee.. or whatever they say.

My quirks (all 50987 of them) make me who I am.

I was in deep thought the other day, while I was cleaning my ears.

I basically Wet Willy myself every time it made me giggle.

Who else sucks on the end of the cotton tip before they stick it in?

Or is that just me?

It got me thinking how important it is to try your best to get the very early teachings right with your kids.

These are ingrained habits (now quirks, they defs aren’t normal) of mine and I just can’t shake them now.

What’s funny is I know it’s weird to spit in your own ear, I don’t do it when I clean my sons ears – he gets a dry one lol

But I keep on doing it to myself.

I have a funny story about a Wet Willy going completely wrong, so stay with me while I digress just a little.

So one day hubby does the essentials shopping he grabs the “cheap brand” of cotton tips.

I start my day the same way.. shower and orgasm over good ear clean, fuck seriously there is no better feeling!

My eyes rolling back in my head, naked Jess doing her thing going to town cleaning my ears.. until the unthinkable happens!!!

I pull out to switch to my next ear only to find I’ve just got the stick in my hand, the bloody tip is lodged in my ear canal!!

Panic sets in, I’m naked and going to die from a stuck cotton tip!

I chuck on clothes, run over to my next door neighbour crying “please help me, can you see it!”

Nope can’t get it Jess, I can’t see it.

I run around like a headless chook.. guess who cops it next???

Fucking Jason, “you tight ass prick!! I’m going to have to have surgery now because of you and your cheap cotton tips, they are dangerous and you’ve showed no regard for my safety” wah wah wahhhhh crying hysterically as I jump in the car, my last words “I’m on my way to emergency”.

Next victim… mum!

Who was meeting Richard Branson (yeah owner of Virgin) that morning.

I’m on the phone crying to her unable to calm down, good old mumma was willing to sack her meeting with him to take me to the hospital for potential life saving ear surgery!

God I love my mum..

“nooooo mummmy I’m scared”, I kept saying ( I’m 27 years old at this stage)

Next person on my list, gotta call my boss don’t I.. I might need 2 weeks off work for recovery! Ear surgery is very intrusive and high risk.

Fuck.., he doesn’t pick up! I will leave him a rambling voice message crying! That will do the trick.

My phone suddenly starts going crazy, I’m almost at the dr, as I started to calm down I realised I need a prescription for my pill and maybe should just go to my local gp.

It’s Jason’s parents!! “We’re so worried about you, Jason said your in hospital. We are on our way, Luis is taking the day off”

Ohhhh fuckkkk… “ohhh no, no Elli it’s fine, I will keep you posted just seeing dr now”.

Oh dear Lordy lord! What have I done.

So I get to the dr in tears, I walk straight in – sit down.

He hands we a big yellow bucket, shoots warm water in my ear with a big syringe and PLONK, out falls my cotton tip just like that!

Ohhh so no surgery LOL.

Tail between my legs I head into work it’s about 10.15am

As I walk up the stairs, I see everyone in reception gathered around my boss.

They are laughing and looked a little shocked.

My voicemail was sent voice to text, so he didn’t actually hear what I said, he just got a weird text message.

Which read;

“Hi George, I’m stuck. My neighbour tried to help me do a big shit and it didn’t work. I’m on my way to the hospital. It’s very serious and I’m not sure if I will be in, I will keep you posted.”

What the actual fuck.. he thought i was dying from constipation, my mum almost gave up a once in a life time meeting, my in laws took a day off work and were driving 40 mins to see me and my hubby got torn a new one.

All over a tiny cotton tip that fell off it’s stick in my ear!

So what?? I’m a drama queen, it’s a Quirk.

I’m such a catastrophiser!! Nothing is what it seems with me.

I can’t poop with clothes on, I literally have to strip down every single time.

So fear not, I will never do a public dump ever ever!! Too hard, too cold and I just can’t.

I take off my rings, my hair if it’s in a tight pony and some times my make up if it annoys me!

Yep you heard right! Surely I’m again not the only one who does this.

On my 21st birthday card, someone writes – now your an adult it’s time to take a shit with some clothes on. lol

Ohh Quirks, they are great!

I remember studying for the HSC and I had sat there so long I got a circulation rash and convinced myself it was meningococcal and I way dying.

My sister, a nurse was pissing herself laughing at me!

How I gave birth to a 4.5kg child naturally is beyond me! But I spat that child out no worries..

A cotton tip was more traumatic for me than child birth, go figure!

I am the girl that literally ran from a doctors surgery when they tried to swab my throat at 15 when I had strep throat.

I was convinced it was a needle, so I ran off!

Guess what??

My son is the same.. he obsesses over the stupidest shit! The other day it was the elevator was going to explode, because it was beeping.

I was moving in and held it open too long he refused to get in! I’m top floor, preggers!

Imagine my pain, with my child screaming and carrying on about an exploding elevator.

The one trait he gets off me, is my neurotic nature lol.

But at least I’ve spared him a Wet Willy!

On a serious note, I can pull the piss out of myself – I’m very aware of my short comings and quirks.

As palatable or not as they are for some, it’s me and I don’t want to change.

My friends and family know that’s what I’m like, so situations are preempted and Jason doesn’t buy cheap cotton tips anymore.

I laugh at it and I live with it, I hope and pray my children embrace who they are and don’t take themselves too seriously.

I also hope Ethan grows out of his neurotic phase for my sanity lol.

Embrace your strange my lovelies.. apparently they are my most endearing qualities and make me, ME!

You be YOU!

Much love, Jess xx

Insta; @jess.mkr